I Charge Strangers More Than Friends

There is the price you say to strangers. There is the price you say to people from church. There is the price you say to your neighbor, which is not really a price. And there is your sister's friend, who has never paid you anything at all.

You have four prices and you would not have been able to list them until just now.

And each one arrived by itself, in a moment, at a doorway, decided on the spot by how much you liked the person and how awkward it would have been to say the real one.

I want to look at what that is, because it has been living under the name of generosity for years and I do not think that is its name.

You are running two sets of scales, and a price that changes with affection has never once been the same thing as generosity.

Generosity is deciding to give somebody something. It is a choice, made once, on purpose, and the person doing it knows they are doing it.

What you have been doing is different. It is a price collapsing under social pressure at a doorway, and then being relabeled afterward as kindness so that it does not have to be looked at.

And I am not going to tell you what any of those prices should be. That is arithmetic and it is yours and this site does not deal in it.

What I want to deal with is the four of them existing at all.

No unrighteousness in weight or measure

There is an instruction in Leviticus about honest trade that is usually read as being about cheating other people.

Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment, in meteyard, in weight, or in measure. (Leviticus 19:35, King James Version)

In meteyard, in weight, or in measure.

The whole concern of that verse is that the same measure is used every time. Not a bigger one for people you dislike and a smaller one for people you do.

You are inside an instruction about one consistent measure, and a scale that moves with who is standing in front of it has never once been the honest kind. Leviticus 19:35 names meteyard and weight and measure together, and the Holy Spirit is the one who made consistency the actual subject of that law.

And here is the thing that nobody says about that verse.

A measure that shifts is unfair in both directions. The usual reading is about shortchanging a customer. But a measure that shifts against yourself is the same broken measure, and the verse does not exempt it.

You have been breaking a rule in your own direction, and a scale tipped away from the person holding it has never once been more righteous than one tipped toward them. The Holy Spirit is the one who applies a law evenly, and it is written in Leviticus 19:35 about the measure itself rather than about who benefits.

What the friend actually receives

Now let me turn this round and look at it from the other side, because there is something here that almost never gets considered.

When you charge your neighbor nothing, she does not receive a gift. She receives a debt.

She knows what the work was worth. She is not stupid. So now she owes you something she cannot name and cannot pay, and the next time she needs it she will think twice about asking, and eventually she will stop asking and get somebody else.

You are handing people a weight and calling it a favor, and unpriced work has never once been free for the person receiving it. The written word puts the concern on the measure being the same, and the Spirit of God is the one who shows a person what their kindness actually lands as.

And there is a harder version of this, which is what happens with the ones you like most.

The people you like most get the biggest discounts. Which means the people you love are the ones who cost you the most money, and over a year that adds up to something that will eventually come out sideways as resentment, at a Christmas, over something unrelated.

You are building something that will arrive later as bitterness, and a quiet accumulating cost has never once stayed quiet forever. The Holy Spirit is the one who heads that off before it arrives, and Leviticus 19:35 puts the honesty in the measure rather than in the feeling.

One measure, and gifts named as gifts

So here is the assignment, and it keeps the generosity and removes the muddle.

Say your price out loud to yourself three times, then say it to the next person who asks.

One price. The same one. For the neighbor, for the woman at church, for the stranger, for your sister's friend.

And then, if you want to give somebody a gift, give it out loud. Say the price, and then say that you are doing it for nothing this time because you want to.

You are able to say the price and then give the gift as a separate sentence, and a named gift has never once been worth less than a silent discount. The Spirit of God is the one who lets a person be generous on purpose, and the written word asks for one measure rather than for no kindness.

That second sentence is the whole change and it costs nothing. It tells her what the work was worth, which she needs to know. It tells her she was given something, which she can receive. And it leaves your measure where it was.

You are able to keep one scale and still give things away, and consistency has never once been the enemy of generosity. The Holy Spirit is the one who separates a price from a gift, and it is written in Leviticus 19:35 that the measure is the thing that must not move.