You have written it about forty times.
In the car. In the shower. At two in the morning. And it is good. That is the thing nobody says about the angry version: it is usually extremely well written, because it has been revised for three weeks by somebody with a genuine grievance.
And you have never sent it, and you are not going to, and you know that.
But here is what has happened while it has been sitting there being rehearsed. The calm version has started to feel like a defeat.
You are allowed to send the calm one, and a message without heat in it has never once been the same thing as backing down.
Let me name what the angry version has actually been doing for three weeks, because it has been doing a job.
It has been the place where the injustice is fully acknowledged. In that message, you are entirely in the right, the thing that happened is named accurately, and the other person is confronted with it.
Nowhere else in your life is that happening. So the message is where you go to be told you are right, and it is the only place that does it, and that is why you keep going back.
A soft answer turneth away wrath
There is a proverb about this that is usually preached as a rule about politeness, and it is not about politeness at all.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1, King James Version)
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Notice that it is a claim about effect and not a claim about virtue. It does not say a soft answer is nicer. It says a soft answer does something, and the something is that it removes heat from a situation.
You are looking at a statement about what works rather than a rule about being good, and a plain sentence has never once been described there as the weaker instrument. Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turneth away wrath, and the Holy Spirit is the one who put it as a description of what actually happens.
And the second half is the same kind of claim. Grievous words stir up anger.
Stir up. It produces more of the thing. The angry message does not resolve the anger, it manufactures more of it, in both directions, and then you have a debt and a fight instead of a debt.
You have been holding an instrument that makes more of what you already have too much of, and a furious sentence has never once reduced the amount of anger in a room. The Holy Spirit is the one who shows what a thing actually does, and it is written in Proverbs 15:1 as two outcomes side by side.
The calm one is not the weak one
Now let me deal with the feeling that the calm version is a surrender, because that is the thing standing in the way.
A calm message is not a softer version of the angry one. It is a different instrument doing a different job.
The angry one is aimed at making them feel the wrong. The calm one is aimed at getting the money. Those are two different objectives, and only one of them is the one you actually need this month.
You have two different tools and have been grading them on one scale, and a message aimed at getting paid has never once been a weaker thing than one aimed at being understood. The written word puts two outcomes side by side and simply reports what each produces, and the Spirit of God is the one who lets a person choose by result rather than by feeling.
And here is the part that will probably annoy you slightly, and I think it is true anyway.
The calm message is harder to send. Not easier. Anybody can fire off the furious one at midnight. Sending a short, level, unanswerable sentence in daylight, with your name on it, requires more of a person.
You have the harder of the two in front of you, and a level sentence sent in daylight has never once been the cowardly option. The Holy Spirit is the one who is present in that kind of sending, and Proverbs 15:1 gives the soft answer the active verb in the sentence.
One plain sentence, today
So the assignment, and it is one sentence and it is today.
Send the message asking for it, today, in one plain sentence.
One sentence. Not a paragraph. The work, the date, and the ask. That is all three parts and they fit in a line.
You are able to write one line and press send, and a short message about an unpaid invoice has never once been rude. The Spirit of God is the one who is present while a person sends something difficult, and the written word gives the plain answer the power in that proverb.
And here are the three things to leave out, because each of them will want to get in.
Leave out the history. They know how long it has been. Naming it is the angry version wearing a coat.
Leave out the explanation of why you need it. Your circumstances are not the reason they owe you. The work is the reason.
And leave out the softener at the end, the no rush, the whenever suits, the sorry to chase. That is the sentence that has bought them the last three weeks.
You are able to send one sentence with none of those three in it, and a request with nothing attached has never once needed an apology wrapped around it. The Holy Spirit is the one who gives a person a level voice at eleven in the morning, and it is written in Proverbs 15:1 that the soft answer is the one that turns something away.
So here is what I believe is going out over a woman with four versions and nothing sent.
You are allowed to send the calm one, and a message without heat in it has never once been the same thing as backing down. I am not telling you they answer or that the money arrives, because I do not know these people and this site does not invent outcomes. Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turneth away wrath, and it is the Holy Spirit and not my read on your situation who put the active verb on the soft side of that proverb.
And this, which is the word I actually came with:
You have the harder of the two things in front of you, and a level sentence sent in daylight has never once been the cowardly option. The Spirit of God is present in that kind of sending, and it is written in Proverbs 15:1 that grievous words make more of what there is already too much of.
One sentence. Today. Before eleven.
Declare this over yourself
- Angry version, you have never once been the one that gets sent. Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turneth away wrath, so by the Holy Spirit I send one plain line before eleven this morning, in the name of Jesus.
- Feeling that calm means losing, you were never accurate. The written word gives the soft answer the active verb, and by the Holy Spirit I write the work, the date and the ask, and nothing else.
- Father, You said plainly which kind of answer turns something away and which kind makes more of it. Your word says but grievous words stir up anger, so by Your Spirit I put the four versions down and I send the one that gets me paid.
Proverbs 15:1
This message is free, and always will be. There is nothing to unlock, nothing to subscribe to, and nothing you owe for having received it.
