I Apologize Before The Number

The word is sorry.

Sometimes it is dressed up. I am so sorry, this is probably more than you were thinking. Sorry, it does come to a bit. Sorry, is that alright.

But the word is sorry and it comes out before the number does, every single time, and by the time the number arrives it has already been apologized for by the person who made it.

I want to look at the mechanics of that, because I do not think you know what it does to the sentence.

An apology is a signal about wrongdoing. It says, something has happened here that should not have, and I am the one responsible.

So the sentence you are actually delivering is: I have done something wrong to you, and the wrong thing is what my work costs.

You have nothing to be sorry for, and an apology in front of a price has never once made anybody more willing to pay it.

And I will say what this article will not do, so that you can trust the rest of it.

It will not tell you what to charge and it will not give you a way to work it out. That is arithmetic, it is yours, and anybody who offers you a formula has started selling.

The number is not the problem. The first word is.

Of whom shall I be afraid

There is an opening line in the psalms that is really two questions with the same answer.

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is my strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1, King James Version)

Whom shall I fear. Of whom shall I be afraid.

He asks it twice, in slightly different words, which is what a person does when the first time did not quite settle it.

You are in a psalm where the same question needed asking twice, and needing to say a steadying thing more than once has never once been a sign that it did not work. Psalm 27:1 asks it in two forms in one verse, and the Holy Spirit is the one who kept both of them.

And look at the grammar of the question, because it is a question about a person.

Whom. Not what. It is not about circumstances or outcomes. It is asking which human being, specifically, is the one to be afraid of here.

You are being asked to name the actual person in the room, and a woman sitting across a table from you has never once been somebody God was worried about. The Holy Spirit is the one who puts the question that plainly, and it is written in Psalm 27:1 as a whom rather than as a what.

The sorry is doing three jobs

Let me name what the word is actually for, because it is not politeness and it is not humility.

The first job is protection. If you apologize first and she says no, then you predicted it, and a predicted rejection hurts less than an unpredicted one.

The second job is permission. It gives her an opening to object, which feels kind and which is really you arranging a way out for yourself in advance.

The third job is the biggest. It gets the awkwardness over with before the silence arrives, because the silence after a price is the part you cannot stand.

You are managing your own discomfort with somebody else's money, and a word said to protect yourself has never once been the same thing as courtesy. The written word asks a person to name who exactly they are afraid of, and the Spirit of God is the one who makes that question answerable out loud.

And here is what it costs, and it is not only money.

An apology tells the other person how to feel about the number. Nobody arrives at a price with an opinion already formed. They take their cue from the person saying it, and you have been handing them one.

You are giving people their reaction before they have had one, and a price delivered plainly has never once been received as an insult. The Holy Spirit is the one who gives a person a level voice, and Psalm 27:1 puts the question of whom to fear in front of everything else in that psalm.

The first word is the whole exercise

So the assignment, and it is about one word.

Say your price out loud to yourself three times, then say it to the next person who asks.

And the rule is that the sentence starts with the work or with the number, and not with anything else.

It comes to this. That is this. For that, this. No sorry. No it is a bit much. No is that alright at the end, which is the same word wearing a different coat.

You are able to begin a sentence with the thing itself, and a plain opening has never once sounded harsh in an ordinary voice. The Spirit of God is the one who gives a woman a first word that is not an apology, and the written word begins that psalm with light and salvation before it ever mentions fear.

And practice the first word specifically. Not the whole sentence. The first two syllables, over and over, in the car, until the mouth stops reaching for the other one.

You have a mouth that can learn a different opening, and a habit nine years old has never once been the same thing as a permanent feature of a person. Psalm 27:1 asks its question twice in one line because once was not enough, and the Holy Spirit is the one who does the steadying in a person rather than leaving it to willpower.

You are able to teach your mouth one new word this week, and a mouth that has always started one way has never once been unable to start another. The Holy Spirit is the one in the car with a woman saying two syllables to nobody, and it is written in Psalm 27:1 that the question of who to fear gets asked and answered in a single line.